forty-seven.

fucking dysfunctional family. what the fuck. are you fucking heartless bitch. i cant fucking do my work. okay he was an asshole i get it, but you push people over the edge. maschist. sadist. wth.

Its like I’m slowly shutting down. I can’t care about anything. Its tearing me apart. I mean how can I saw so calmly “I’m the reason he’s emo, lol I hurthim. I’m a bitch Ha fucking ha” ” my cousin that I met when I went to the Philippines is now dead” I’m so selfish only caring about myself. Me and how I’m stupid enough to fail math, me and how I have the AP exam. Me, me and more me. I disgust myself. I find myself so appalling I don’t know what to do. Why can’t I fucking care? Why can’t I fucking be like a normal human instead of this asshole?

Argh I shouldn’t even be caring at this point.

Sighh maybe I just need to rant this out and then I’ll feel better. Today after the game, I asked Karla if I could get a ride and she was like ‘depends how many people there are’ then I asken again and she started counting all the people going with her. She asked everyone except me, domo and Eliza. Understandable because Eliza was getting a ride with domo. But the thing that pissed me off was the fact thar when Karla asked where landa was getting a ride and landa said ‘domo’ Karla pulled her aside and said something to her. Then landa is all like nevermind I’m getting a ride with Karla. Then Karla turns to me and is like “sorry my car is full, which it was cause Debbie,Maisie, tine,landa and both of her parents were there. Seriously though do you always have to make me feel like a pariah, if its not you its Maisie. What dis I ever do to you? I’m sorry if I can’t conform to your group of mindless followers and that I actually don’t follow you around. Idk I’m just in a shitty mood because I actually was beginning to think I was a part of the group.oops I was wrong, silly me. Its not like I matter in this group.

person #5? omg people. do i have a sign on my head saying it’s okay to walk right in and out of my life as you please? i’m not mad, just exasperated.

I hate everyone… like seriously fuck off and leave me alone. Sorry if i’m clingy.. sorry if I’m just fucking human and care too much. Arrrgghhh, can’t I just be alone live my life in complete isolation.

OMG.

is it just me of does keegan valerio look ALOT like josh hutcherson…?

Justins back…whatta awkward lunch…

Seriously..?

Is fate tryna fuck me up? I mean seriously. I thought last week was bad and that there was nowhere to go but up. Turns out I was wrong.. very wrong. I can’t believe I let myself slip so much that I’m actually failing math and social. And while I’m at it I failed my physics test and Bio final. Seriously.. and I know I look likes crap today. I want expecting to look sty that amazing considering the fact that I’ve been feeling like crap for the last week. Bit honestly to have jomar comment on it and embarrass me like that. And not being able to say anything about it because all he was saying was true… kinda really hurt. Math midterm tomorow. And I’m bound to fail that because I don’t know what.the eff is going on.five isn’t helping things. Likewtf I tried to talk to him this morning and he just ignores me wtf. And my parents are just adding to the stress. And rugby game tommorrow. Im so close.to my breaking point. Just a litle bit more…

Checking d2l always gives me this overwhelming sense of disappointment.like how i just can’t be worth anything. I mean all i see is failure. seriously? 60’s? 50% adverage? wtf. i know im better than this, why can’t i do better? maybe i’m just stupid just trying to be smart. idk i’m just so disappointed. can’t i be smarter? why is that when i look at my marks i see nothing more than a stupid person going anywhere and it’s quite deppressing. like why do i bother to try when i’m just gunna end up failing and dissappointing myself. what’s the point of standards if you’re always gunna fall short of them and end up dissapointing yourself.